Being Successfully Single
Before we got married, my future husband Sam and I were on a date and I asked him what some of his goals were. He shared with me some awesome dreams, but one of his goals was particularly attractive to me. He said, Jeanne, until it's time for me to tie the knot, I want to be successfully single." I had never heard anyone say that before, and he really had my attention.
Sam shared with me that God's idea of singleness is not the empty, lonely season in life that many of us make it. Singleness (when lived God's way) is a positive fulfilling season in life. To drive his point a little more, Sam pulled out the dictionary and looked up the word, "single." Here are the three definitions he highlighted:
- To be SEPARATE
- To be UNIQUE
- To be WHOLE
If that's the true definition of singleness, then being truly single should be one of our top goals in life! That's why instead of running away from being single, we should be running toward singleness. Instead of blaming singleness for many of our dark times, singleness can become our friend. It allows us time to figure out who we really are—to develop our own identity in Christ. If you don't know who you are yet, don't kid yourself into believing that you'll really "find yourself" inside a serious relationship. Believe me, the picture only gets messier!
As our conversation continued Sam said to me, "After all, a SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE is only the product of two people who were first SUCCESSFULLY SINGLE." We even got a little profound as the evening progressed. We agreed, "If marriage is the key to happiness, then Jesus would have been one depressed guy."
Whether or not you agree with our theology of that statement, Sam's view on singleness made him very, very attractive to me. You see, truly "single" people (unique and whole) are the most fascinating people in the universe. They have vision, goals, and plans for their lives that make them incredibly complete and radically interesting. Many of the other guys I dated were everything but "unique and whole." Their biggest mission in life seemed to be to find a mate. To me, that seemed like a pretty shallow ambition.
So if you are single, what's my suggestion? Don't spend so much time looking for who you want that you have no time to be who you are. Use every waking moment to develop yourself into being SUCCESSFULLY SINGLE—"more unique" and "more whole." And if you ever need more motivation for this approach, just watch many of the married couples around you. You'll probably find that their faces don't exactly shout, "Happily ever after!"
Before we got married, my future husband Sam and I were on a date and I asked him what some of his goals were. He shared with me some awesome dreams, but one of his goals was particularly attractive to me. He said, Jeanne, until it's time for me to tie the knot, I want to be successfully single." I had never heard anyone say that before, and he really had my attention.
Sam shared with me that God's idea of singleness is not the empty, lonely season in life that many of us make it. Singleness (when lived God's way) is a positive fulfilling season in life. To drive his point a little more, Sam pulled out the dictionary and looked up the word, "single." Here are the three definitions he highlighted:
- To be SEPARATE
- To be UNIQUE
- To be WHOLE
If that's the true definition of singleness, then being truly single should be one of our top goals in life! That's why instead of running away from being single, we should be running toward singleness. Instead of blaming singleness for many of our dark times, singleness can become our friend. It allows us time to figure out who we really are—to develop our own identity in Christ. If you don't know who you are yet, don't kid yourself into believing that you'll really "find yourself" inside a serious relationship. Believe me, the picture only gets messier!
As our conversation continued Sam said to me, "After all, a SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE is only the product of two people who were first SUCCESSFULLY SINGLE." We even got a little profound as the evening progressed. We agreed, "If marriage is the key to happiness, then Jesus would have been one depressed guy."
Whether or not you agree with our theology of that statement, Sam's view on singleness made him very, very attractive to me. You see, truly "single" people (unique and whole) are the most fascinating people in the universe. They have vision, goals, and plans for their lives that make them incredibly complete and radically interesting. Many of the other guys I dated were everything but "unique and whole." Their biggest mission in life seemed to be to find a mate. To me, that seemed like a pretty shallow ambition.
So if you are single, what's my suggestion? Don't spend so much time looking for who you want that you have no time to be who you are. Use every waking moment to develop yourself into being SUCCESSFULLY SINGLE—"more unique" and "more whole." And if you ever need more motivation for this approach, just watch many of the married couples around you. You'll probably find that their faces don't exactly shout, "Happily ever after!"
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This Youth Leader's Coach deals with one of your most crucial roles in youth ministry, but probably one we haven't given a great deal of thought to. I've entitled it, "Questions To Ask Before They Buy The Ring." It's my way to help you avoid a high percentage of engagement disasters.
In all honesty, most people put more reasoned thought into the choice of a car or a home than they do into their choice of a lifelong mate. So I share with you, ten simple questions that you can ask your seriously dating single adults before they "pop the big question." Feel free to make several copies of this Youth Leader's Coach and hand them out to students early in the game when serious relationships are beginning to emerge. These simple ten questions will give invaluable specifics to help cut through the fantasy world of a "Cinderella romance."
Happy listening! This Youth Leader's Coach may someday save one of your students from a tragic mistake. So please take it seriously.
Remembering that "Puppy love...leads to a dog's life!"
In this Source I've decided to tackle the important topic of "romance." I often say, "If you're out of the romance business, you're out of youth ministry."
The goal of this Source is to call students to a standard that is a more reasonably paced approach to romance. Often, in our culture, students rush ahead too quickly in this area - moving from one stage to the next way, way too fast! My challenge to my students is, "Let's slow things down!" This will be an easy night...but one your students will remember.
It's so hard to speak on the subject of romance in a way that relates to students and still actually challenges the world's approach to relationships. I pray that as you use this message you'll receive a special anointing to connect with your gang on this incredibly crucial topic.
Your Long-Distance Cheerleader,
In this Youth Leader's Coach I get to deal with one of my favorite topics, "Cultivating A Healthy Marriage While Doing Youth Ministry." Not a glamorous title, but unfortunately a topic so strategic that it's taken a whole lot of great people out of ministry.
Success for me is that "Those who know me best, love me most," and at the top of the list is my amazing husband and sons. But so often the relationships in your life that are the most precious, with the passing of time, become the most familiar. So in this Youth Leader's Coach I share 10 things that I have learned to keep my marriage a healthy and fulfilling one while in the youth ministry trenches. Even if you're not married, listening to this will help you understand the priorities of your leaders who are and help to prepare you for the day that you too may share your life and ministry with a spouse.
Lovingly,
While strong words, I believe covering this topic, "Breaking Free Of Relational Soul Ties," in our youth ministries can and will save the spiritual lives of some of our students. A "soul tie" is an emotional connection or bond with another person that unites us in a deep, very significant fashion. The relationship can, and usually does, drive what we think, feel, and desire. While not always wrong, negative ones that blur our spiritual vision can destroy us! I would go so far as to say that negative "soul ties" are one of the top reasons many of our teenagers walk away from their faith in Christ.
So, buckle your seat belts and get ready. We pull out all the stops in this Source by explaining multiple ways "soul ties" are formed and seven ways to break free from them. Drawing from my own personal story, a lot of Scripture and two well written monologues, your students are sure to walk away with an expanded arsenal of weapons to guard against and conquer negative "soul ties."
Lovingly,
Recently I read an issue from the Harvard Business Review, one of the most prestigious management and business periodicals published in the 21 Century. The article that caught my attention was called, "How Will You Measure Your Life?"
Though this is a strictly secular publication, the parallels to God's Word so jumped out to me, I'm dedicating this Youth Leader's Coach to looking closely at the three simple questions the writer of the article, a professor at Harvard asked his students. His questions were, "How can I assure that I will be happy in my career?" "How can I be sure that my relationships with my spouse, family, and closest friends become an ENDURING source of happiness?" and "How can I be sure that I'll stay out of jail?"
The bottom line is so simple...and one that we as Christians deal with on a daily basis. So, listen in, as I share my thoughts with you.
Lovingly,
