A Leader's Friendship Trinity: CONSTITUENTS
Second in the "Friendship Trinity," you have CONSTITUENTS.
They are FOR WHAT YOU ARE FOR. And as long as you are "for what they are for," they will walk with you. They will stay in the ministry trenches with you.
Throughout life, if you are not careful...PARTICULARLY IF YOU ARE IN A BROKEN SEASON of your life...you will easily MISTAKE your CONSTITUENTS for your CONFIDANTS, and all too easily, they can BREAK YOUR HEART. Because though they told you that they were "in it for the long haul" with you, that's not reality. Their commitment was not to YOU, but to the CAUSE.
You see, your life will NOT be filled with CONFIDANTS. You have to be able to work with people who will COME AND GO. You have to LOVE THEM when they come and love them when they GO. Don't let your heart get BITTER over people when they go.
The Word of God says, "The Lord giveth...and the Lord taketh away...Blessed be the name of the Lord!" A leader has to LEARN HOW TO LOSE PEOPLE...HOW TO RELEASE PEOPLE...WITHOUT GETTING CYNICAL AND BITTER ON THE INSIDE. And that, my friend, is tougher than it sounds. But you'll never survive REAL LEADERSHIP unless you determine to be able to release people well, even when their actions make them undeserving of your kindness.
Again, I didn't blow the kiss to be crass. I desperately want you to understand that the ATTITUDE OF GREATNESS NECESSITATES that you be GREAT not only when they COME, but even greater when they GO. For your own emotional SURVIVALS' sake, you have to get good at letting people LEAVE.
Now before you get too judgmental about all the CONSTITUENTS in your life and ministry, I want to remind you that you, yourself, have been a CONSTITUENT to countless people in your own life. In truth, most of us secretly desire to have several CONFIDANTS when we, ourselves, have NOT been that to many other individuals first. The law of sowing and reaping is in effect here. You GET the kind of friendships in your life and on your team that you GIVE AWAY to others.
Second in the "Friendship Trinity," you have CONSTITUENTS.
They are FOR WHAT YOU ARE FOR. And as long as you are "for what they are for," they will walk with you. They will stay in the ministry trenches with you.
Throughout life, if you are not careful...PARTICULARLY IF YOU ARE IN A BROKEN SEASON of your life...you will easily MISTAKE your CONSTITUENTS for your CONFIDANTS, and all too easily, they can BREAK YOUR HEART. Because though they told you that they were "in it for the long haul" with you, that's not reality. Their commitment was not to YOU, but to the CAUSE.
You see, your life will NOT be filled with CONFIDANTS. You have to be able to work with people who will COME AND GO. You have to LOVE THEM when they come and love them when they GO. Don't let your heart get BITTER over people when they go.
The Word of God says, "The Lord giveth...and the Lord taketh away...Blessed be the name of the Lord!" A leader has to LEARN HOW TO LOSE PEOPLE...HOW TO RELEASE PEOPLE...WITHOUT GETTING CYNICAL AND BITTER ON THE INSIDE. And that, my friend, is tougher than it sounds. But you'll never survive REAL LEADERSHIP unless you determine to be able to release people well, even when their actions make them undeserving of your kindness.
Again, I didn't blow the kiss to be crass. I desperately want you to understand that the ATTITUDE OF GREATNESS NECESSITATES that you be GREAT not only when they COME, but even greater when they GO. For your own emotional SURVIVALS' sake, you have to get good at letting people LEAVE.
Now before you get too judgmental about all the CONSTITUENTS in your life and ministry, I want to remind you that you, yourself, have been a CONSTITUENT to countless people in your own life. In truth, most of us secretly desire to have several CONFIDANTS when we, ourselves, have NOT been that to many other individuals first. The law of sowing and reaping is in effect here. You GET the kind of friendships in your life and on your team that you GIVE AWAY to others.
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All the statistics affirm that the majority of leaders say they do not even have ONE significant friendship. I'm sure this topic is more "center-stage" for me because of my wonderful husband's stroke and his inability to communicate with me now in the manner we've enjoyed for the past 46 wonderful years of our marriage. But I am ever so grateful that I've cultivated a few significant female friendships who were super important in my life before my husband's stroke...now, even more.
In this month's Youth Leader's Coach, "What Ever Happened To Real Adult Friendship?," I'm navigating the concept of covenant friendship as illustrated in the Old Testament through the story of David and Jonathan. What a pivotal lesson in a lonely leadership world!
Lovingly,
When people have asked me over the years what the number ONE enemy of my ministry run has been, I have one consistent answer: "My own MIND GAMES!" Statistics tell us that we speak at a rate of 200 words per minute, but think at approximately 1,300 words a minute. That's a lot of "self-talk" going on in my own head. More often than not, the ME inside of my own mind is pretty full of mental battles that could kick me to the curb if I allow them. However, if I choose to take control of my own head, with the help of Christ and His Word, I really can grow past these emotional traps.
That's why this ALLIANCE is a really important one. Ministry for a lot of us can be pretty lonely as we try to navigate through the warzones in our own heads. Our prayer for this Alliance is that it is a safe place for youth pastors and youth leaders to share candidly with each other on this life-impacting topic. In a world of surface level relationships in ministry, please make this ALLIANCE a place of authentic friendship and healing honesty.
This Alliance, "A Leader's Friendship Trinity: Navigating Your Friendships in Ministry," is quite possibly one of the most important resources you will have heard in a while. The truth of the matter is that friendships are hard in ministry, especially for ministry leaders. The problem is that most of us spend all of our time with people who are under us as leaders. So we are forever FEEDING PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FEED US. I think this resource is worth its weight in gold. So please don't miss it. I talk about understanding the 3 categories of friends that all ministry leaders invariably have…and what you can expect from all of them.
