A Leader's Friendship Trinity: COMRADES
The last group in the leader's "Friendship Trinity" is your COMRADES.
These people are not for YOU, nor are they for WHAT YOU ARE FOR. Instead, they are simply AGAINST WHAT YOU ARE AGAINST. Thus, they're willing to get in the trenches and do battle with you AGAINST something.
These people will make STRANGE BED-FELLOWS. But don't get confused and depend on them too much. They are only on your team to DEFEAT A GREATER ENEMY. But when they perceive that VICTORY has come at least to the degree they are satisfied with they will often leave.
You see MOST relationships...at least all of the CONSTITUENTS AND THE COMRADES...are like scaffolding on a building. The scaffolding is only put in place to help build the building. But after the building is completed, the scaffolding GOES AWAY.
In like manner, you will save yourself a lot of hurt, resentment, and bitterness if you realize that most people in your life are CONSTITUENTS or COMRADES. Thus ultimately most of them will GO AWAY.
That's why it's important to be careful who you share your deepest DREAMS AND YOUR DEEPEST SOUL WITH. If you share your dream with your constituents, they'll often just try to STEAL THE DREAM and fulfill it themselves. If you tell your COMRADES, they'll just tell you why it can't happen. Because they were never for YOU in the first place. They were only AGAINST WHAT YOU WERE AGAINST.
Relationships that are built on negatives are ALWAYS SHORT-LIVED.
If you have one or two people you can share your deepest DREAMS with, you are a BLESSED PERSON! You have a CONFIDANT.
Again...don't get frustrated that you don't HAVE many of these folks in your life if you haven't BEEN this kind of friend to others.
If I'm facing a mountain, I want somebody in the trenches with me who honestly LOVES ME. You see, the Bible says that TRUE FAITH WORKS BY LOVE. So if I'm in the hospital facing something big, I don't care if you're anointing me with oil and speaking in your prayer language, I want to know if you LOVE me...and then your FAITH will be activated in my situation.
And let me tell you something...
GOD WILL ALWAYS SEND A SOMEBODY to stand with you. Be more thankful for people who have BEEN THERE in your life rather than putting your focus on all the people who have COME AND GONE.You always GET MORE of whatever you focus on in your life.
That's why some people have so many DISAPPOINTING relationships in their life, because they put their FAITH (their heart and emotional focus) into attracting more PAIN in their relationships than into attracting POSITIVE ONES.
One closing thought to all of us in leadership:
You can make MORE FRIENDS in 2 months by BEING SINCERELY INTERESTED in other people...than you can make in 2 YEARS by trying to get other people interested IN YOU.
The last group in the leader's "Friendship Trinity" is your COMRADES.
These people are not for YOU, nor are they for WHAT YOU ARE FOR. Instead, they are simply AGAINST WHAT YOU ARE AGAINST. Thus, they're willing to get in the trenches and do battle with you AGAINST something.
These people will make STRANGE BED-FELLOWS. But don't get confused and depend on them too much. They are only on your team to DEFEAT A GREATER ENEMY. But when they perceive that VICTORY has come at least to the degree they are satisfied with they will often leave.
You see MOST relationships...at least all of the CONSTITUENTS AND THE COMRADES...are like scaffolding on a building. The scaffolding is only put in place to help build the building. But after the building is completed, the scaffolding GOES AWAY.
In like manner, you will save yourself a lot of hurt, resentment, and bitterness if you realize that most people in your life are CONSTITUENTS or COMRADES. Thus ultimately most of them will GO AWAY.
That's why it's important to be careful who you share your deepest DREAMS AND YOUR DEEPEST SOUL WITH. If you share your dream with your constituents, they'll often just try to STEAL THE DREAM and fulfill it themselves. If you tell your COMRADES, they'll just tell you why it can't happen. Because they were never for YOU in the first place. They were only AGAINST WHAT YOU WERE AGAINST.
Relationships that are built on negatives are ALWAYS SHORT-LIVED.
If you have one or two people you can share your deepest DREAMS with, you are a BLESSED PERSON! You have a CONFIDANT.
Again...don't get frustrated that you don't HAVE many of these folks in your life if you haven't BEEN this kind of friend to others.
If I'm facing a mountain, I want somebody in the trenches with me who honestly LOVES ME. You see, the Bible says that TRUE FAITH WORKS BY LOVE. So if I'm in the hospital facing something big, I don't care if you're anointing me with oil and speaking in your prayer language, I want to know if you LOVE me...and then your FAITH will be activated in my situation.
And let me tell you something...
GOD WILL ALWAYS SEND A SOMEBODY to stand with you. Be more thankful for people who have BEEN THERE in your life rather than putting your focus on all the people who have COME AND GONE.You always GET MORE of whatever you focus on in your life.
That's why some people have so many DISAPPOINTING relationships in their life, because they put their FAITH (their heart and emotional focus) into attracting more PAIN in their relationships than into attracting POSITIVE ONES.
One closing thought to all of us in leadership:
You can make MORE FRIENDS in 2 months by BEING SINCERELY INTERESTED in other people...than you can make in 2 YEARS by trying to get other people interested IN YOU.
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All the statistics affirm that the majority of leaders say they do not even have ONE significant friendship. I'm sure this topic is more "center-stage" for me because of my wonderful husband's stroke and his inability to communicate with me now in the manner we've enjoyed for the past 46 wonderful years of our marriage. But I am ever so grateful that I've cultivated a few significant female friendships who were super important in my life before my husband's stroke...now, even more.
In this month's Youth Leader's Coach, "What Ever Happened To Real Adult Friendship?," I'm navigating the concept of covenant friendship as illustrated in the Old Testament through the story of David and Jonathan. What a pivotal lesson in a lonely leadership world!
Lovingly,
When people have asked me over the years what the number ONE enemy of my ministry run has been, I have one consistent answer: "My own MIND GAMES!" Statistics tell us that we speak at a rate of 200 words per minute, but think at approximately 1,300 words a minute. That's a lot of "self-talk" going on in my own head. More often than not, the ME inside of my own mind is pretty full of mental battles that could kick me to the curb if I allow them. However, if I choose to take control of my own head, with the help of Christ and His Word, I really can grow past these emotional traps.
That's why this ALLIANCE is a really important one. Ministry for a lot of us can be pretty lonely as we try to navigate through the warzones in our own heads. Our prayer for this Alliance is that it is a safe place for youth pastors and youth leaders to share candidly with each other on this life-impacting topic. In a world of surface level relationships in ministry, please make this ALLIANCE a place of authentic friendship and healing honesty.
This Alliance, "A Leader's Friendship Trinity: Navigating Your Friendships in Ministry," is quite possibly one of the most important resources you will have heard in a while. The truth of the matter is that friendships are hard in ministry, especially for ministry leaders. The problem is that most of us spend all of our time with people who are under us as leaders. So we are forever FEEDING PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FEED US. I think this resource is worth its weight in gold. So please don't miss it. I talk about understanding the 3 categories of friends that all ministry leaders invariably have…and what you can expect from all of them.
