Don't React, Respond
My mind reeled with an entire list of things that needed to be done before 6 pm, and the day was flying away from me. Two phone appointments, a brief game plan meeting, a lunch appointment with an eagle, and then finally after resolving a conflict between two staff members, I raced back to my office. I knew I wouldn’t have time to run home and change, so I threw my outfit together and brought it with me in the morning so I could quickly get ready for the service. Frantically hoping I could get time alone with the Lord and focus solely on the evening ahead, I walked briskly down the hall and turned the doorknob to my office. A stench was making its way into the hall and I felt a strange uneasiness. As I opened the door, I froze. There was the outfit, complete with a message torn out. My entire head went numb and I blinked slowly and deliberately praying I wasn’t seeing what I was seeing. As I slumped into my chair behind my pine-wood desk, I knew the stench was somewhere in one of the drawers. The moment I pulled it out, I turned my head away in sheer disgust. Immediately I knew who had committed the vandalization and immediately I wanted to pick up the phone and ream the little punk out for his actions. Who did he think he was? Not for a second did I think this prank was remotely amusing and when I saw him tonight, he would regret the day he ever thought about doing what he did…
Then I heard the still, small, familiar voice… “Don’t react, Jeanne, just respond.”
My flesh cringed, but my spirit knew what to do. And later that night when I found the little culprit and asked him about the incident, initially he denied it. But after my firm but genuine prodding he admitted it and muffled a quiet apology. Weeks later that same young man found his way to an altar and my heart knew that a reaction might have built a wall, but it was a response that drew him closer to Jesus.
The incident you endured may not have been as severe as this story, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that you’ve encountered moments of rebellion and horrible attitudes from the kids in your youth ministry. When and where and how it happens is not really the issue. The one thing you have control over is whether you react or respond to the situation. “Don’t react, respond…”
Always remember immaturity reacts, but character responds. Please keep your temper, nobody else wants it. In youth ministry, with men especially, controlling your temper is hard. Only as you cultivate character and consistently remind yourself, “Don’t react, respond,” will you begin to handle things in a Christ honoring way. Reacting only lowers you to the carnality of the other individual. When kids talk back or get defensive, do not allow your flesh to retaliate. Be firm, not hostile and even though your natural instinct would be to give them a piece of your mind, wait and think. Can any of us really afford to lose a piece of our minds? More importantly, you will say hurtful things you don’t mean and inevitably experience remorse. Step away from the situation and rationally process what happened. A good standard to keep is always wait 24-hours before commenting.
We need to become responders for our kids, our family, ourselves. Strive to be more Christ-like, keep your self-respect and abstain from sinking to the levels of those around you. Above all the tangible benefits that accompany a responsive life, begin to do it simply to please the Father’s heart. Is it easy? No. But please know, I still have to grit my teeth and rise to the mentality that if I don’t keep my mouth shut, I’ll regret it (like when the junior high kid put a 9-inch hole in the wall tonight). I challenge you as a person of leadership, as well as a man or woman of God, to exemplify dignity and character and have the guts to not react, but respond.
My mind reeled with an entire list of things that needed to be done before 6 pm, and the day was flying away from me. Two phone appointments, a brief game plan meeting, a lunch appointment with an eagle, and then finally after resolving a conflict between two staff members, I raced back to my office. I knew I wouldn’t have time to run home and change, so I threw my outfit together and brought it with me in the morning so I could quickly get ready for the service. Frantically hoping I could get time alone with the Lord and focus solely on the evening ahead, I walked briskly down the hall and turned the doorknob to my office. A stench was making its way into the hall and I felt a strange uneasiness. As I opened the door, I froze. There was the outfit, complete with a message torn out. My entire head went numb and I blinked slowly and deliberately praying I wasn’t seeing what I was seeing. As I slumped into my chair behind my pine-wood desk, I knew the stench was somewhere in one of the drawers. The moment I pulled it out, I turned my head away in sheer disgust. Immediately I knew who had committed the vandalization and immediately I wanted to pick up the phone and ream the little punk out for his actions. Who did he think he was? Not for a second did I think this prank was remotely amusing and when I saw him tonight, he would regret the day he ever thought about doing what he did…
Then I heard the still, small, familiar voice… “Don’t react, Jeanne, just respond.”
My flesh cringed, but my spirit knew what to do. And later that night when I found the little culprit and asked him about the incident, initially he denied it. But after my firm but genuine prodding he admitted it and muffled a quiet apology. Weeks later that same young man found his way to an altar and my heart knew that a reaction might have built a wall, but it was a response that drew him closer to Jesus.
The incident you endured may not have been as severe as this story, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that you’ve encountered moments of rebellion and horrible attitudes from the kids in your youth ministry. When and where and how it happens is not really the issue. The one thing you have control over is whether you react or respond to the situation. “Don’t react, respond…”
Always remember immaturity reacts, but character responds. Please keep your temper, nobody else wants it. In youth ministry, with men especially, controlling your temper is hard. Only as you cultivate character and consistently remind yourself, “Don’t react, respond,” will you begin to handle things in a Christ honoring way. Reacting only lowers you to the carnality of the other individual. When kids talk back or get defensive, do not allow your flesh to retaliate. Be firm, not hostile and even though your natural instinct would be to give them a piece of your mind, wait and think. Can any of us really afford to lose a piece of our minds? More importantly, you will say hurtful things you don’t mean and inevitably experience remorse. Step away from the situation and rationally process what happened. A good standard to keep is always wait 24-hours before commenting.
We need to become responders for our kids, our family, ourselves. Strive to be more Christ-like, keep your self-respect and abstain from sinking to the levels of those around you. Above all the tangible benefits that accompany a responsive life, begin to do it simply to please the Father’s heart. Is it easy? No. But please know, I still have to grit my teeth and rise to the mentality that if I don’t keep my mouth shut, I’ll regret it (like when the junior high kid put a 9-inch hole in the wall tonight). I challenge you as a person of leadership, as well as a man or woman of God, to exemplify dignity and character and have the guts to not react, but respond.
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