Mile Mark of Success #1: When Teenagers Take You For Granted
On a cold December night, I said farewell to the youth ministry I'd led for 13 incredible years in Rockford, Illinois. On my last night at the church, the team members I was leaving behind organized a special celebration titled "Legacy." It was an evening of reflection, laughter, and love. One by one, these dear people told how the ministry had permanently marked their lives. At the close of the service they honored me with a platinum ring that was inscribed, "A Legacy of No Regrets."
As I reflect on that unforgettable night, I see more clearly the mile markers that pointed the way to enduring success. Did they include the crowds that showed up at our amphitheater every Wednesday night? No. What about the national recognition that came my way? No. Or how about the spiritual fireworks that often characterized our weekly services? Nope.
In my 4+ decades of youth ministry, I've discovered that there are three "Success Mile Markers" that will let you know when you are on the right road to youth ministry success.
You know you're a success in youth ministry when teenagers take you for granted and fail to appreciate all you do.
This might sound strange, but when you parallel your youth ministry to Christ's experience with His disciples, it makes sense. The 12 guys on His ministry team never sang, "How Great Thou Art," to Him. In fact, they often seemed unimpressed by the sacrifices Jesus made to minister among them. They were quick to fall asleep when He asked them to pray, quick to lose their tempers when He didn't give them their way, and quick to act like they didn't even know Him when they were threatened.
Looking back on my years in youth ministry, I believe discipleship is a love-hate relationship. We can't significantly impact our students unless we spend time with them. Yet the more time we spend with them, the more they take us for granted.
Just before I announced I would be leaving my ministry in Rockford, I was in the ladies' restroom prior to our Wednesday night youth service. Hidden behind the stall doors, I had no choice but to eavesdrop on a few teenage girls who came running in to make their final glamor check. One girl told her friend how "boring" she thought my talks were. They quickly finished and ran out the door laughing, unaware that I'd overheard the whole thing. I managed to smile and remind myself that "God's not out to hurt my pride, He's out to kill it!" I walked out of the restroom, notes in hand, to give another one of my "boring talks."
A week later, when I announced I was moving to another church, guess who lingered to tell me what a difference I'd made in her life? Guess who tearfully told me no one would ever be able to take my place? And guess who quietly asked me if we were sure we were doing the right thing? That's right, it was my restroom ego booster!
So, what had changed? Nothing, except she realized I wasn't going to be around much longer. Did it bother me? Not really. As I read the New Testament, the 12 in Christ's "youth group" weren't too impressed with Him either...at least not until His Father moved Him to a new location.
On a cold December night, I said farewell to the youth ministry I'd led for 13 incredible years in Rockford, Illinois. On my last night at the church, the team members I was leaving behind organized a special celebration titled "Legacy." It was an evening of reflection, laughter, and love. One by one, these dear people told how the ministry had permanently marked their lives. At the close of the service they honored me with a platinum ring that was inscribed, "A Legacy of No Regrets."
As I reflect on that unforgettable night, I see more clearly the mile markers that pointed the way to enduring success. Did they include the crowds that showed up at our amphitheater every Wednesday night? No. What about the national recognition that came my way? No. Or how about the spiritual fireworks that often characterized our weekly services? Nope.
In my 4+ decades of youth ministry, I've discovered that there are three "Success Mile Markers" that will let you know when you are on the right road to youth ministry success.
You know you're a success in youth ministry when teenagers take you for granted and fail to appreciate all you do.
This might sound strange, but when you parallel your youth ministry to Christ's experience with His disciples, it makes sense. The 12 guys on His ministry team never sang, "How Great Thou Art," to Him. In fact, they often seemed unimpressed by the sacrifices Jesus made to minister among them. They were quick to fall asleep when He asked them to pray, quick to lose their tempers when He didn't give them their way, and quick to act like they didn't even know Him when they were threatened.
Looking back on my years in youth ministry, I believe discipleship is a love-hate relationship. We can't significantly impact our students unless we spend time with them. Yet the more time we spend with them, the more they take us for granted.
Just before I announced I would be leaving my ministry in Rockford, I was in the ladies' restroom prior to our Wednesday night youth service. Hidden behind the stall doors, I had no choice but to eavesdrop on a few teenage girls who came running in to make their final glamor check. One girl told her friend how "boring" she thought my talks were. They quickly finished and ran out the door laughing, unaware that I'd overheard the whole thing. I managed to smile and remind myself that "God's not out to hurt my pride, He's out to kill it!" I walked out of the restroom, notes in hand, to give another one of my "boring talks."
A week later, when I announced I was moving to another church, guess who lingered to tell me what a difference I'd made in her life? Guess who tearfully told me no one would ever be able to take my place? And guess who quietly asked me if we were sure we were doing the right thing? That's right, it was my restroom ego booster!
So, what had changed? Nothing, except she realized I wasn't going to be around much longer. Did it bother me? Not really. As I read the New Testament, the 12 in Christ's "youth group" weren't too impressed with Him either...at least not until His Father moved Him to a new location.
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If you're in real youth ministry, this Youth Leader's Coach, "Dealing With Attitude Problems In Your Students," is probably one you'll want to play from time to time.
Chances are you probably have run into attitude problems in your students in the recent past. The attitude issues that you'll encounter cover such a wide range: the "sin is cool" attitude, the "rebellious and proud of it" attitude, the "run the youth group down with sarcasm and cuts" attitude, or the apathetic "drop dead - I don't care" attitude (and there are so many more). Realize that these attitudes don't just show up in your students - you'll find them in adults, in your leaders and even your own family. We often have to check ourselves because they can so easily appear in our own life.
So sit back and enjoy as I share some of the lessons I've learned over the years in dealing with an issue we all face.
Your "long-distance" cheerleader,
Have you ever wondered, are we really making a difference in the lives of our students, or we just deceiving ourselves? Though most people will eventually become like their leaders, not all discipleship is biblically transformational. Rather, it is easy for people to be informed, but not transformed.
The Transformational Church Research Company recently wrote a book based on their research called, Transformational Discipleship: How People Really Grow. In this Youth Leader's Coach, "Are We Discipling Or Deceived?" I give you the highlights of their research and the book helping you know if you are discipling your gang in their Transformational Sweet Spot. I share with you two things that biblical discipleship IS NOT and three steps toward accomplishing the biblical transformation we all desire.
Becoming the best we can be,
This year I was invited to a reunion of SPIRENO, a youth group that I led 25 years ago. It was a great time getting together with some of my old students, some of whom are now the grandparents of the current students in the youth group! We had a wonderful time reminiscing and some of the things they remembered really surprised me.
Though most of you haven't been in youth ministry long enough to have a 25-year reunion, you might be interested in knowing just what they will remember...25 years from now. In this Youth Leader's Coach, I share the 5 things that my students tell me over and over again were defining memories in their life. Some of the things that I thought they would remember most, seemed to fade into the background. They made it clear that 25 years later, the things they remember weren't my "amazing messages" or "great events." But what they remember most was how Christ's life flowed out of me in the tiny ways to let them know that the love of Jesus Christ is more than a nice platitude, but a living, breathing reality.
Leaving A Legacy,
A few days ago I had to make a tough call. I had to tell another young lady that for the next three months, she was no longer welcome at our youth group. The reasons were complex, but let me assure you that it was an unavoidable and right decision. As you can understand, I became Public Enemy #1 in the eyes of a few of her closest friends. Though it’s not a very fun place to be, I learned a long time ago that you can never be their leader if you need them to always like you. I call it the balance between being a coach and being a companion in youth ministry. Granted, all significant youth ministry is relationally strong, but when the unavoidable times come where one of those two roles must win, I suggest that your coach role usually needs to trump your companion one.
In this month's Youth Leader's Coach, "Coach vs. Companion," I'm sharing some comparisons of being a leader and a friend in our students' lives. Now don’t hear me wrong. It's strategic in youth ministry to be a touchable friend and companion. Relationship is always king, but don't sacrifice your credentials to be their spiritual coach. In the end it's always worth it!
Lovingly,
