Gossip's Cousin
Gossip isn’t the only dangerous enemy in our youth groups. It has an ugly cousin that I call sarcasm or “scar-casm.” Because our youth culture so loves humor, it is often viewed as a friend rather than a foe. The reality is sarcasm pushes this idea of “humor at any price.” I’ve watched many “cool” youth leaders that choose to use sarcasm to communicate with their teenagers.
The Bible tells us, “Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!’” – Proverbs 26:18-19
I know affirming words are awkward for many of us to verbalize, however, we cannot as youth leaders continue to use sarcasm as a means of communicating friendship and warmth. Years ago, I pulled one of my favorite leaders aside and said, “Listen, Barry, you’re amazing. But could you think about dropping the sarcasm from your humor?” Barry paused, and then responded sincerely, “Jeanne, if I cut all the sarcasm out of my vocabulary, I’d probably be completely quiet for the next month!”
I know Barry is not alone. Sarcasm comes pretty easy for most of us. I’m not saying you can’t poke fun at situations or circumstances, but often our “poking fun” winds up centered on another person. None of us ever intend to hurt them, but our words cut deep. I encourage my leaders at home and around the nation, “Have the guts to drop the sarcasm when you’re with teenagers. Train yourself, no matter how awkward it feels, to be a verbally affirming person.”
The truth is that while none of your teenagers will ever say it to your face, they want your approval so badly that they remember nearly everything you say about them. You may know you’re joking, but they don’t.
Gossip isn’t the only dangerous enemy in our youth groups. It has an ugly cousin that I call sarcasm or “scar-casm.” Because our youth culture so loves humor, it is often viewed as a friend rather than a foe. The reality is sarcasm pushes this idea of “humor at any price.” I’ve watched many “cool” youth leaders that choose to use sarcasm to communicate with their teenagers.
The Bible tells us, “Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!’” – Proverbs 26:18-19
I know affirming words are awkward for many of us to verbalize, however, we cannot as youth leaders continue to use sarcasm as a means of communicating friendship and warmth. Years ago, I pulled one of my favorite leaders aside and said, “Listen, Barry, you’re amazing. But could you think about dropping the sarcasm from your humor?” Barry paused, and then responded sincerely, “Jeanne, if I cut all the sarcasm out of my vocabulary, I’d probably be completely quiet for the next month!”
I know Barry is not alone. Sarcasm comes pretty easy for most of us. I’m not saying you can’t poke fun at situations or circumstances, but often our “poking fun” winds up centered on another person. None of us ever intend to hurt them, but our words cut deep. I encourage my leaders at home and around the nation, “Have the guts to drop the sarcasm when you’re with teenagers. Train yourself, no matter how awkward it feels, to be a verbally affirming person.”
The truth is that while none of your teenagers will ever say it to your face, they want your approval so badly that they remember nearly everything you say about them. You may know you’re joking, but they don’t.
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It's been said that "The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire." How true. And in youth ministry, we need to help ignite that process almost every day. Have you ever wondered how certain leaders seem to pull the best out in those around them? They seem to know how to generate the extra effort from those they lead whether it's the students in the youth group itself or the volunteer leaders.
That topic is what this valuable Youth Leader's Coach is all about. I've entitled it, "Bringing Out The Best In People." And because it is such a crucial topic, I have made this a two-part coaching communication. John Gardner once said that "The best-kept secret in America today is that people would rather work hard for something they believe in than enjoy a pampered idleness." I think that quote is especially true when it comes to youth ministry. So grab a cup of coffee and let's have some fun talking about this really vital aspect of ministry.
Lovingly,
Rarely in our Youth Leader's Coach family do I give you a two-part coaching communication. But this Youth Leader's Coach, "Bringing Out The Best In People - Part 2," represents a topic that is so crucial that I wanted to spend more time with you on it.
You'll hear me deal with simple keys that will truly be the "make it or break it" within the relational life of both your youth ministry and your leadership team. So enjoy our moments together and know that in reality, "People are failures, not because they are stupid, but because they are not sufficiently impassioned."
Still committed to "Frog-Kissing,"
If you're in real youth ministry, this Youth Leader's Coach, "Dealing With Attitude Problems In Your Students," is probably one you'll want to play from time to time.
Chances are you probably have run into attitude problems in your students in the recent past. The attitude issues that you'll encounter cover such a wide range: the "sin is cool" attitude, the "rebellious and proud of it" attitude, the "run the youth group down with sarcasm and cuts" attitude, or the apathetic "drop dead - I don't care" attitude (and there are so many more). Realize that these attitudes don't just show up in your students - you'll find them in adults, in your leaders and even your own family. We often have to check ourselves because they can so easily appear in our own life.
So sit back and enjoy as I share some of the lessons I've learned over the years in dealing with an issue we all face.
Your "long-distance" cheerleader,
About 5 years into full-time youth ministry, I remember saying, "I think EVERYBODY deals with insecurity!" Now, more than 35 years later, I am even more convinced of that fact. Insecurity is a controlling factor that the teenagers in your youth church deal with almost every hour of their lives. Often, it stays masked behind facades of pride, sarcasm, or quietness. But I promise you that insecurity is one of the most dominant emotions most of today's youth culture is impacted by.
Years ago, I heard someone say that "Whoever we most fear...we will eventually serve." Isn't that true? Proverbs 29:25 says it a little differently. It reads, "The fear of man creates a trap." Right again, King Solomon! So enjoy this Source, "The Curse Of Insecurity," and know that it is powerfully relevant to about every teenager (and youth minister) you know. Who knows? You might even hear something in the message for yourself!
Lovingly yours,
Over the years, America's verbal sport of choice has become sarcasm. Even though no official trophy is awarded, you are declared a "winner" by making others feel like a fool. Most often, it is done by throwing verbal spears behind the deceptive shield of a laugh and words that say "I'm just kidding." As you know, the participants in the sport are heralded as witty, smart and just plain funny. And strangely enough, the recipients have learned to laugh it all off, for that's much easier than revealing the hidden scars of rejection and insecurity left in the wake of the verbal lashing.
Does that sound all too familiar? More than likely it does. Some youth pastors I know have mastered this sport. And, unfortunately, there are times I am a competitor myself. So, to remind our students and ourselves not to leave scars for the sake of a laugh, in this issue of the Source, "Scar-casm," we use a couple of fun videos, a drama, a website and a play on words to make a powerful Proverbs 18:21 point, our tongues really do have "the power of life and death."
Weighing my words,
