How Old Is "Too Old" In Youth Ministry?
It's the secret, unspoken fear of many of youth ministry's finest and most experienced leaders...they are concerned that they are getting "too old." Since I myself am a part of the Baby Boomer crowd who remains actively involved in local youth ministry, allow me to give you a few thoughts on this important question. I've wrestled with this mind game often, but in the last few years, I've come to some encouraging conclusions:
The typical stereotype of effective youth leaders is blatantly wrong.
You know the model I'm talking about...young, cool, athletic, funny, and good looking. Lots of years in youth ministry have affirmed over and over that many of the very BEST leaders are none of the above. They are often anywhere between 40 to 60 years of age and are fun-loving but not necessarily funny. In fact, they are often a few pounds overweight and not exactly a retired football pro. They just love Jesus and teenagers.Today's fractured families and lack of caring adult role models actually makes age an advantage...as long as you remain flexible on the ever-changing "little things" in youth ministry.
We all know how few American families have the "model mom and dad" at the helm. So because of that, an older youth leader who sincerely cares about a teenager meets a deep, God-given need for adult nurturing. In my own experience, I feel like students bond to me even quicker now than 35 years ago. The only "catch" is that you remain flexible on debatable things like loud music and body piercings! I remind myself often, "Jeanne, keep the main thing...the main thing."The only indispensable quality for being an effective youth leader has nothing to do with age. It's a genuine love for a few teenagers.
This is the only "dividing line," plain and simple. If you care about a student and make the effort to care about "their world," you will win their trust and friendship. Granted, some students may take a little longer to "come around." But like 1 Corinthians 13 reminds all of us, authentic, consistent love is the "trump card" in most all situations. In "Mayo language," attempt to be "Jesus with skin on."
I remember when one of my best volunteers sheepishly attempted to resign. His reason? He had just turned 50 and felt like "the kids won't relate to someone my age." Let me wrap up by sharing with you what I told that awesome guy: "About the time you have enough experience in youth ministry to have a clue as to what you're doing, the Enemy usually starts to make you feel 'too old.' Please don't quit now. Your most effective days are just ahead, if you'll fight through the mind games." So no matter how old you are, remember that age is far more an issue of ATTITUDE than it is of YEARS. After five decades in youth ministry, I'm still going strong. Adult ministry looks pretty boring!
It's the secret, unspoken fear of many of youth ministry's finest and most experienced leaders...they are concerned that they are getting "too old." Since I myself am a part of the Baby Boomer crowd who remains actively involved in local youth ministry, allow me to give you a few thoughts on this important question. I've wrestled with this mind game often, but in the last few years, I've come to some encouraging conclusions:
The typical stereotype of effective youth leaders is blatantly wrong.
You know the model I'm talking about...young, cool, athletic, funny, and good looking. Lots of years in youth ministry have affirmed over and over that many of the very BEST leaders are none of the above. They are often anywhere between 40 to 60 years of age and are fun-loving but not necessarily funny. In fact, they are often a few pounds overweight and not exactly a retired football pro. They just love Jesus and teenagers.Today's fractured families and lack of caring adult role models actually makes age an advantage...as long as you remain flexible on the ever-changing "little things" in youth ministry.
We all know how few American families have the "model mom and dad" at the helm. So because of that, an older youth leader who sincerely cares about a teenager meets a deep, God-given need for adult nurturing. In my own experience, I feel like students bond to me even quicker now than 35 years ago. The only "catch" is that you remain flexible on debatable things like loud music and body piercings! I remind myself often, "Jeanne, keep the main thing...the main thing."The only indispensable quality for being an effective youth leader has nothing to do with age. It's a genuine love for a few teenagers.
This is the only "dividing line," plain and simple. If you care about a student and make the effort to care about "their world," you will win their trust and friendship. Granted, some students may take a little longer to "come around." But like 1 Corinthians 13 reminds all of us, authentic, consistent love is the "trump card" in most all situations. In "Mayo language," attempt to be "Jesus with skin on."
I remember when one of my best volunteers sheepishly attempted to resign. His reason? He had just turned 50 and felt like "the kids won't relate to someone my age." Let me wrap up by sharing with you what I told that awesome guy: "About the time you have enough experience in youth ministry to have a clue as to what you're doing, the Enemy usually starts to make you feel 'too old.' Please don't quit now. Your most effective days are just ahead, if you'll fight through the mind games." So no matter how old you are, remember that age is far more an issue of ATTITUDE than it is of YEARS. After five decades in youth ministry, I'm still going strong. Adult ministry looks pretty boring!
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Without fail, about the time we've been in youth ministry long enough to have a little perspective...a little seasoning...a little depth, we begin to feel a little disconnected to the youth culture. Like clockwork, the mind games kick in that leave us wondering whether we're "too old," "too uncool" or "too out of touch" for youth ministry. In all reality, nothing could be further from the truth!
We can't, however, just ignore the culture. There are some right choices we can make along the way that will increase our effectiveness and ability to stay connected with today's youth. So join me as I give 10 simple suggestions in this issue of Youth Leader's Coach that will help in "Keeping Yourself Relevant For The Long-Haul."
Lovingly,
Daniel 7:25 says, "The Enemy shall wear out the saints of the Most High God." Wow, given the chance, isn't that the truth! The pounding from ministry distractions, loneliness, and fatigue have probably taken far more out of the race than we even realize.
In this Youth Leader's Coach we look to Nehemiah for strength in how to not only start well but, more importantly, "stay on the wall" and finish well. On multiple occasions, he navigated the landmines that could have easily derailed the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem...permanently. So, grab a couple of coffee, lean in, and learn from one of the best of the best biblical leaders on how to talk back to the Enemy!
Lovingly,
Contrary to what many people think, it is not your talent or your intelligence that is really the major predictor of how much happiness or success you're going to have in your life, your family, your vocation, or your ministry. A far more accurate predictor of those factors is your GRIT. And best news is that grit isn't something you are just "born with"...but it is something you can cultivate!
In this Youth Leader's Coach, I share pragmatics from the book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth. We'll take a look at what "grit" is. I'll also share four psychological assets that, if you choose to grow them over time, will help you grow your GRIT. As novelist John Irving says, "To do anything really well, you have to OVEREXTEND YOURSELF."
Committed to growing my GRIT,
Whenever life's "train wrecks" occur, we talk about the OUTCOMES. But a far more important discussion is pin-pointing the specific ON-RAMPS that led to these moments. I shared this message with the Atlanta Leadership College gang before we let out for the summer and it's a great message for your graduating students, young adults, your leaders, and you!
It's so important as the early church fathers said, "to know thyself." As I did my own evaluation, it is a continuing reminder that, as we as Christians are being used by God, there will be a "bullseye" on our spiritual chests put there by the Enemy and we need to be proactive to dodge his bullets. So, let’s unpack some of the REPEATED OBSERVATIONS I’ve made from these crash sites. Remember, “Those who do not LEARN FROM HISTORY are invariably DOOMED TO REPEAT IT.”
Lovingly,
I now have been in youth ministry for many fulfilling decades. As I meet with youth pastors from all over the country, one of the top questions I get asked is, "How have you managed to stay in youth ministry for so many years?" I believe it started many years ago, when as a young Christian, the Lord so clearly explained the word "Compassion" to me. He said, "COM(E) to Me first, Jeanne. Drink of My love...and then, PASS I (T) ON to others" and that's what I've spent my life doing.
In this Youth Leader's Coach, I outline nine key things I learned on the journey that have kept me focused on the Lord and fighting for teenagers throughout the years. As D. L. Moody said, "My greatest fear is NOT that I might FAIL...but that I might SUCCEED at something that does not MATTER."
Still Fighting,
