What Kids Really Want In Their Youth Leaders
What is it that kids are really looking for in their youth leaders? Through my years in youth ministry, I've learned that a youth pastor with lots of charisma and a highly entertaining youth ministry are great...but today's "over-entertained" youth are looking for something more.
- They want someone that makes them laugh! Students of this culture unmistakably value a great sense of humor. They don't expect their leaders to always be funny. But they do expect them to be fun. The leader who quickly laughs, who doesn't take life too seriously, and who can create a party when the church van breaks down is ahead of the pack. But remember, though charisma may get you in the door as a youth leader, it's your character that will keep you there.
- They want someone who really listens well. The premium is high for a leader who "really listens well." Voltaire got it right when he penned, "The ears are the gateway to the heart." Youth leaders who train themselves to ask caring questions, avoid TRT (typical religious talk), and listen more than they talk will be the most significant. My grandfather often told me, "The Good Lord gave us two ears and only one mouth because He meant us to listen twice as much as we talk!" Maybe Grandpa would have made a good youth leader.
- Someone I can trust when I have a problem and need advice. Trust is "ground zero" for today's youth culture. Seasoned youth leaders know that you may take months to earn trust and easily lose it in an unthoughtful moment of reaction. Though teenagers detest "youth leader answer machines," they covet someone who can be trusted to keep their confidences and give them heartfelt advice when asked. Great youth leaders realize, that you must first earn the right to speak and be listened to.
Teenagers, to the agony of our seminaries, don't care a great deal about their leader's level of Bible knowledge. What's the message? I think the youth culture we minister to wants a leader who is able to make portions of relevant Scripture really come alive to them. In truth, many church-going teenagers already know far more Scripture than they practice. So knowledge is not nearly as impacting as the ability to communicate it. Perhaps as youth leaders we need to aspire to be more than "youth preachers," but rather "youth communicators." There's a world of difference.
Remember, you have only one hit a week with most of today's youth culture when it comes to church attendance. The days of attending both Sunday's and Wednesday's are becoming increasingly less common. The result? We can't afford to "punt" when our students walk inside our doors. We don't get them often so we had better make it something that is relevant and memorable.
The bottom line is, teenagers prioritize a youth leader who "creates a welcoming, friendly atmosphere for youth group activities." So what does this remind us? Simply, that as a youth leader, if our youth group does not pass the friendliness test, we flunk!
How are you doing?
What is it that kids are really looking for in their youth leaders? Through my years in youth ministry, I've learned that a youth pastor with lots of charisma and a highly entertaining youth ministry are great...but today's "over-entertained" youth are looking for something more.
- They want someone that makes them laugh! Students of this culture unmistakably value a great sense of humor. They don't expect their leaders to always be funny. But they do expect them to be fun. The leader who quickly laughs, who doesn't take life too seriously, and who can create a party when the church van breaks down is ahead of the pack. But remember, though charisma may get you in the door as a youth leader, it's your character that will keep you there.
- They want someone who really listens well. The premium is high for a leader who "really listens well." Voltaire got it right when he penned, "The ears are the gateway to the heart." Youth leaders who train themselves to ask caring questions, avoid TRT (typical religious talk), and listen more than they talk will be the most significant. My grandfather often told me, "The Good Lord gave us two ears and only one mouth because He meant us to listen twice as much as we talk!" Maybe Grandpa would have made a good youth leader.
- Someone I can trust when I have a problem and need advice. Trust is "ground zero" for today's youth culture. Seasoned youth leaders know that you may take months to earn trust and easily lose it in an unthoughtful moment of reaction. Though teenagers detest "youth leader answer machines," they covet someone who can be trusted to keep their confidences and give them heartfelt advice when asked. Great youth leaders realize, that you must first earn the right to speak and be listened to.
Teenagers, to the agony of our seminaries, don't care a great deal about their leader's level of Bible knowledge. What's the message? I think the youth culture we minister to wants a leader who is able to make portions of relevant Scripture really come alive to them. In truth, many church-going teenagers already know far more Scripture than they practice. So knowledge is not nearly as impacting as the ability to communicate it. Perhaps as youth leaders we need to aspire to be more than "youth preachers," but rather "youth communicators." There's a world of difference.
Remember, you have only one hit a week with most of today's youth culture when it comes to church attendance. The days of attending both Sunday's and Wednesday's are becoming increasingly less common. The result? We can't afford to "punt" when our students walk inside our doors. We don't get them often so we had better make it something that is relevant and memorable.
The bottom line is, teenagers prioritize a youth leader who "creates a welcoming, friendly atmosphere for youth group activities." So what does this remind us? Simply, that as a youth leader, if our youth group does not pass the friendliness test, we flunk!
How are you doing?
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Paul said it best in 1 Corinthians 4:14-15, "I am not writing this to shame you but to warn you as my dear children. Even though you have ten thousand instructors in Christ, you do not have many fathers." Don't those verses pierce your soul?
Not only that, but let's take it a step further. While there are a lot of great youth communicators and youth ministry CEO's out there, the years have taught me that it's not been my communication skills or the size of my ministry that people I've impacted reference, but "how the Jesus Christ inside of me made them feel" as I became an adopted "big sis" or "spiritual mom."
Bottom line, one of the most eternally significant things you can do is to stir up inside of you the heart of a spiritual parent. In addition to hearing some sobering stats, listen in and get insight on how to live this out.
Lovingly,
Unfortunately, we live in a society of broken families. Instead of being surrounded with unconditional love and acceptance, teenagers often face homes devastated by divorce and absent parents, or houses filled with arguments and discord. With such shattered trust in today's youth, there has never been a greater need to be more than just a spiritual leader, but rather, a spiritual parent.
So, we must stop and ask ourselves if our ministry is a safe place where these teenagers do feel loved and accepted. Is family a part of our youth group's heartbeat? Listen in to this Youth Leader's Coach, "Cultivating The Father Heart Of God In Your Leadership," as I share my heart on becoming a conduit of the Father Heart of God in your own life and youth ministry.
Lovingly,
Have you ever wondered, are we really making a difference in the lives of our students, or we just deceiving ourselves? Though most people will eventually become like their leaders, not all discipleship is biblically transformational. Rather, it is easy for people to be informed, but not transformed.
The Transformational Church Research Company recently wrote a book based on their research called, Transformational Discipleship: How People Really Grow. In this Youth Leader's Coach, "Are We Discipling Or Deceived?" I give you the highlights of their research and the book helping you know if you are discipling your gang in their Transformational Sweet Spot. I share with you two things that biblical discipleship IS NOT and three steps toward accomplishing the biblical transformation we all desire.
Becoming the best we can be,
This iVolunteer resource is a COACHING RESOURCE for volunteer youth leaders who want to be the BEST they can be!
Group Magazine did a survey of 10,000 youth and young adults, asking them what the #1 thing was they were looking for in a church. The top answer from an overwhelming majority was "a welcoming, warm environment." The honest truth is, if you "fail the friendliness test in ministry...you've failed." This isn't surprising as we live in a culture of shallow friendships and broken families.
Often our leaders have great intentions, but they don't have a clue where to start. Listen in to this iVolunteer, "Creating A Sense Of Family In Your Ministry," as I share one of my favorite stories that will help your leaders visualize the importance of creating a sense of family. I also give them seven pragmatics to start putting steps behind launching and developing a friendship culture in your youth ministry.
Building A Family,
A few days ago I had to make a tough call. I had to tell another young lady that for the next three months, she was no longer welcome at our youth group. The reasons were complex, but let me assure you that it was an unavoidable and right decision. As you can understand, I became Public Enemy #1 in the eyes of a few of her closest friends. Though it’s not a very fun place to be, I learned a long time ago that you can never be their leader if you need them to always like you. I call it the balance between being a coach and being a companion in youth ministry. Granted, all significant youth ministry is relationally strong, but when the unavoidable times come where one of those two roles must win, I suggest that your coach role usually needs to trump your companion one.
In this month's Youth Leader's Coach, "Coach vs. Companion," I'm sharing some comparisons of being a leader and a friend in our students' lives. Now don’t hear me wrong. It's strategic in youth ministry to be a touchable friend and companion. Relationship is always king, but don't sacrifice your credentials to be their spiritual coach. In the end it's always worth it!
Lovingly,
